If you’re like us, you’re getting up there in years, which is just a mean way of saying, you’re not dead yet. And the longer you refuse to die, the more crap you’re going to have to slather on your face to defy the aging process. Unfortunately, most of the anti-aging products out there are not cruelty-free. And the ones that are ain’t exactly cheap. So, when we decided to adopt a cruelty-free lifestyle, we had to find a way to be kind to animals without being bitches to our budget.
In addition to being bleeding-heart, thrifty, women-of-a-certain-age, we also love not leaving the sofa. So, when we realized we needed cheap, cruelty-free anti-aging products, Amazon.com was the obvious choice. Not only do they have an extensive selection of kind-to-animal products, but you can read the labels, compare prices and check out customer reviews all from the comfort of your couch. BTW, every one of these products has received, at least, a four star review with more than a hundred reviews each, cuz that’s how we roll.
So here are the cruelty-free, anti-aging products we use every day to maintain our cheapskate status while protecting the animals and fending off the signs of impending death!
We’re not sure what Helene is the Queen of, or how she became affordable-beauty-product royalty, but we bow before her. According to all the straight women we know, the first step in proper skincare is exfoliation. And what better way to scrape off those dead skin cells than ground-up fruit? In spite of it being an exfoliant, this stuff is non-abrasive and it smells like you’re standing in line at Jamba Juice. Plus it does a great job of scouring off those dead skin cells without costing a fortune. It runs around $6 – $8 (depending on the “flavor”) and you can even get free shipping with a Prime membership free trial. So, for making this product affordable to her loyal subjects and her kindness to animals, all we can say is, YAS, Queen!
Once you’ve removed that layer of unnecessary skin, your next move is going to be to tone and tighten your face like a drum. And even though the label looks like some old-timey tincture a snake-oil salesman traps the unsuspecting villagers into buying, Thayers Natural really works. Even though it’s alcohol-free, Witch Hazel has similar properties and is great for removing surface bacteria from the skin and preventing build up. There are different fragrances available, but we like the cucumber cuz it’s super-soothing and subtle. And, for less than 10 bucks for 12 ounces, you won’t want to run Mr. Thayer out of town with a pitchfork.
Though, it might be a little scary to apply something called “acid” to your face, we assure you it’s completely safe. Not only for you, but for the animals that were left alone by this company. Based on our internet research, Hyaluronic Acid is all the rage for its ability to plump, hydrate and diminish lines and wrinkles. Plus, this brand is cold processed which is supposed to be good for some reason, and contains vitamins C and E! And at about 16 bucks for a 1 oz bottle, this anti-aging serum is pretty darn affordable compared to what else is out there. Even though it does rub our frugal sensibilities the wrong way to have to pay double digits for something so small, you can’t put a price on not looking like a shrunken apple head.
You had us at “lift,” but we’ll also take “firm.” When we decided to go cruelty-free our biggest fear was having to give up our favorite firming cream. After all, we love animals but we don’t want to walk around looking like sad scarecrows. This cream is thick and rich and you can actually see and feel it kicking gravity in the nuts. And for around $17 for a 1.7 ounce jar, you won’t feel like you’re cash is being “lifted” and you can hold “firm” to your cheapskate convictions. See what we did there?
We may be suckers for the words “SUPER YOUTH” screaming at us in all caps, but there is something to be said for not so subliminal messaging. We have to admit it makes us feel better that we’re at least trying to be super youthful, even though we know we’re being brainwashed. Let’s be real, this stuff doesn’t keep us from getting carded, but at this point, we’ll settle for not waking up with a pile of dust for a face. In spite of its hyperbolic claims, this stuff works really well. It has retinol so you’ll wanna use it at night and wear sun protection the next day. And for around 20 bucks for 4 ounces and no animal testing, you’ll feel SUPER about your skin and your conscience. Get yours here.
Of course, if you really want to protect your skin, your wallet and the little bunnies, you’re gonna wanna slather on the good old SPF 30. Gone are the days of basting yourself in baby oil and baking on a lounge chair while reading “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.” Now that we’re older and our dreams of saving the world with our talent and bronzed skin are behind us, we have to get serious about saving what’s left of our fleeting youth. And this stuff does the trick. It’s everything you want in a sunscreen and some things you probably don’t give a shit about. And unlike more expensive products that test on animals, this stuff is anti-irritating, moisturizing and even has anti-oxidants which are apparently important. Since Kiss My Face was founded by a couple of vegetarians operating out of a converted barn in upstate New York, we’ll just take their word for it. And for around 10 bucks a tube, you can catch some gnarly rays without turning your skin into cow leather.
So, there you have it! Our very favorite cruelty-free, anti-aging beauty products. We’re not sure why or how these products work, all we know is they appear to be working. In fact, people tell us all the time, that we seem never to age and it’s not just because we haven’t changed our profile pic in years!
Try them out for yourself and let us know what you think. And, if you use our links, Amazon throws a little money our way, which helps support our Amazon addiction. It’s the circle of life.