Your Scaled-Down Bucket List : 8 Things You Still Have Time to Do Before the Trumpocalypse!

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Is it on your bucket list to write the great American Novel or swim with the dolphins, but you haven’t had the time? Well, guess what? You have even less time than you thought! Yup. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Doomsday Clock, the symbol representing the likelihood of a man-made global catastrophe, just got nudged a little closer to doom.

But, don’t worry!

While you may not have time to accomplish all or, let’s face it, ANY of the items on your actual bucket list, you can still probably pull off some very scaled down versions. With that in mind, here are some friendly suggestions of more doable dreams you may still have time to achieve before the Trumpocalypse.

1. Write the Great American Short Story

While there’s zero chance you’ve got time to write your great American novel, there’s still plenty of time to write that life-affirming, existence-justifying, 3-page essay you’ve got in you. Brevity is the soul of wit, according to Shakespeare, and Donald Trump just made things a whole lot briefer. So, grab that laptop, and head to the nearest coffeehouse. You’ve got an abbreviated dream to fulfill!

2. Take a Cruise . . . Around a Small Lake

Have you always wanted to take a cruise down the Danube or sail around the world? How about one of those fun Disney getaways? Sorry, there’s no time for that. Luckily, there is still time to pull out your Westways Auto Club magazine and see if you can find a nearby lake or pond you can get a boat on. Hey, you’re not picky at this point. You’ll even settle for one of those paddle boats that looks like a swan. This is your life, damn it, and you’re gonna live it to its fullest. Or at least as fully as you can live it before Donald Trump gets us all blown away!

3. Rent an RV and Travel Across State

Wouldn’t it be exciting to rent an RV, load up the car snacks and head off across country? Welp, you should have thought of that before Donald Trump became president. But don’t despair! It’s not about the destination or the length of the journey. It’s about cramming in as much life as you can with what little time we now have left. And, with any luck, you’ll be able to journey clear from one side of your home state to the other! Provided your home state is Rhode Island. (In fact, offer only valid in Rhode Island.)

4. Get Ordained as a Minister Online

Photo credit: Matthew Hurst

Has it been your lifelong ambition to earn a degree in Astrophysics or Marriage and Family Counseling? Tough break. The good news is, while earning a degree from a prestigious university is something to be admired and celebrated, getting ordained to officiate a wedding is something you actually still have time to do. In fact, you can go online and get ordained in seconds. But don’t hesitate. With the loss of net-neutrality, your slow service could make this another dream deferred.

5. Train to Run a Half-K

Is running a marathon on your bucket list? Good news! You’ve been spared months of painful training by the incompetence of our commander in chief! But, you can still lace up those running shoes and get to stretching because you are about to start training for your first Half-K. What’s a Half-K you ask? Is that even a thing? No. It isn’t. But it is something you have time to achieve before going up in a mushroom cloud!

6. Sing Karaoke (But, Not “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” or “American Pie”)


Always wanted to step up to the microphone and show off your singing voice to a handful of drunks? Well, get your ass to the nearest dive bar and get your name on that list! But, don’t even think about choosing Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light,” or “American Pie” by Don McLean. Seriously. These songs are, like, 8 minutes long and with Trump’s nubby fingers at the switch, you might not even make it through the second verse.

7. Learn an Extremely Easy Language

While there’s no way you’ve got time to master a real language like Spanish, German or French, there’s still ample time to learn a really easy, made-up language like Pig Latin. All you have to do is take the first consonant of the word and tack it onto an “ay” sound at the end of the word and oila-vay! You’re bilingual! It’s so simple a child can do it. In fact, usually only children do it. But these are childish times and we’ve got a childish president.

8. Swim with the Local State Fish

Though there may not be enough time to swim with the dolphins on short notice, there is enough time to swim with some trout in a local stream! Just put on your swimsuit, pack up the ice chest, head to the river, and you’re living the dream! Well, a scaled down version of the dream. (Get it? Scaled?) But, when Donald Trump is president of the United States, that’s about all you’ve got time for.

So, there you go! 8 things you still have time to do before the Trumpocalypse. It’s nice to have big dreams, but it’s even nicer to realize how precious our time on earth truly is. And thanks to Donald Trump, our time just got a whole lot precious-er.

What about you? Do you have a bucket list? Do you maybe want to scale it back a little so you can get some stuff done? Leave your comments below. We love to hear from you!

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